is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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