He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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