She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
