Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
