i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have already put on my inside pants.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
