So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
