I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
