how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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