his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
