I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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