hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize