Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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