I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
