just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
