get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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