either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
