I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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