So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
