my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
