Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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