Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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