No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
smell my finger.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
