a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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