i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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