I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
