I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
