it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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