Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
