I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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