these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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