this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
