at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
