worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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