So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
