Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
