this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
