32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
