Will you blow on my dice?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
