I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
