Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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