The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
