I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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