i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
