I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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