When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
