I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
