booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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