Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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