They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
