Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just pee around me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
