I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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