i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
