you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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