I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
