i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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