You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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