Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
