It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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