why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
