ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
