Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
